I’m sorry. Really, I am. I know I’ve been bad, I’ve negated my digital duties and left the Porter Report unattended like a babby at a bus stop. I know it’s inexcusable, I realise it’s going to take a lot to win back the tens of people who check back to the site on a literally bi-monthly basis, I know the blame lies squarely at my feet like a rabid mutt, I’m aware that I have a lot to atone for… but as the string of failed relationships that trail behind me like tin cans tied to a wedding car will testify, I’m a really, really selfish guy, so don’t hold your breath for too long ’cause you might just faint.
I’ve been busy, you see. The days of Leisure Piracy seem to have met with something of cease point; I can’t even remember what daytime TV looks like, let alone know what’s been happening on Deal or No Deal… it’s a sorry state of affairs.
“So what have you been doing?” I imagine you whispering across the pillow, your breath stale like an ashtray full of brine, pools of acrid milk collecting in the corners of your bitter, twisted mouth. I pretend to be asleep for a little while longer, then after releasing a resonant blast of warm morning air I realise I can’t maintain the charade so I peel back my eyelids ad tell you exactly what’s been shaking my bacon:
In between these two Reports going up, we got a message forwarded in our general direction from David Silverman, director of The Simpsons. Turns out he’s mad keen on a bit of brass action, so if in years to come there’s a cameo appearance from Big Pete, Swamp Thang and Shotgungun Joe you’ll know which boggle eyed chancer to tip the nod to.
New Orleans very own Hot 8 Brass Band take to the streets of Brighton in a parade we organised especially for the Porter Report. I’ve always had a soft spot for brass bands, largely because of an aged uncle who used to play for the local colliery band. It was quite a sad story really; the band he played in got picked to represent the UK in an international competition in New York, so they dry cleaned their blazers and packed up their cases then boarded a long-haul flight to JFK. Unfortunately during the flight my aged Uncle was accosted in the toilets by a pair of over friendly sailors and he couldn’t bring himself to pick up his instrument again. After much careful scrutiny the Doctors diagnosed him with an acute case of Deep Throat Trombonist.
Toby and Tom, from Trangressive Records and Rockfeedback respectively, were stumbling around Brighton with hangovers. The last thing they needed was an idiot in a grey suit waving a microphone under their noses!
'Music Journalism is people who can't write, interviewing
people who can't talk in order to provide articles for people who don't
Welcome to this online repository for the ramblings of professional chancer
and well-known leisure pirate Russell Porter. A notorious loud mouth,
Russell is also the feckless presenter of The Porter Report, an ongoing series
of programmes from the front line of popular culture- every episode of which
can be found in the Shows section
To reprimand Russell, correct him on poor punctuation or merely register
your disinterest, please feel free to get in touch
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